The last rays of a dying sun

Day 6 of The Year

moving from the invisible ones to the watery ones…more to come

The Last Rays of a Dying Sun

So like I said in my first post, one of the main reasons I started this project was for personal clarity- as an activist, as a mother, as a woman, as a human on planet earth at this time.

And to honor the ones we’ve lost- all the sweet beauties that have slipped or are slipping away.

But now I see this is something else entirely. This is not about me. this is not about Wil, or Michelle, or you, or anyone. This is about the spaces in between.

This is about those connections between us, from the highest snow capped mountains, to the top of my beautiful baby’s curly hair, to the smallest pebble being tumbled to sand.  It’s about the way we are all kin to one another, and if some are suffering, we are all suffering.

So now I know what this is. This is not a journal, or a personal practice,  or even a letter to a  friend.

This is more like the final mayday from a shipwrecked sailor, or the crackling, static- filled radio broadcast from a doomed planet, or the last rays from a dying sun.

This is a chance to find one another.

So please, please, please send your writing, your poems, your artwork, your songs, your videos, your photos and anything else you’d like to share inspired by mourning, solidarity, and rebellion to our new e-mail, mourningsolidarityrebellion@gmail.com. include a short bio, and your name if you’d like it to appear. What we can’t fit on this blog, we’ll put on the Year of Black Clothing Facebook Page (soon to come).

Share this blog, tell your neighbors, show your friends. Connect with strangers on the subway, on the bus, in line, and on the streets. Because that is where the culture of rebellion will grow.

In the spaces in between.

Thank you for listening,

That is all for now,

Natasha

And now a beautiful guest post from my amazing friend Yank. Yank is a badass mama of the most beautiful twin daughters you’ve ever seen and she takes photos of this breathtaking world that will make you cry. Thank you for sharing your story Yank. The photo is hers as well.

PAST – PRESENT – FUTURE

by Yank

yank

Many times in the past, I sat and my mind raced with thoughts of past, present and future. Thinking of what we humans have become and the damage that we have done, the reality of it all broke my heart into a million pieces…it still breaks my heart, but there was a period where every second of every day I had non-stop thoughts of the past, “WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN THE WAY THAT IT HAPPENED?” …industry and agriculture ate my wild HUMAN life, ate at my spirit, ate at my heart, ate up my emotions…I only felt anger and a helplessness…

It was the small things that kept my heart afloat, those moments when a Swallowtail would suddenly float by, or a Blister beetle busily moved across my path, or a thunderstorm rolled in… When I wasn’t outdoors, my heart-break felt even stronger. I sat indoors and would find myself wishing that the past would have happened differently. I wished that my present was me sitting on a flat surfaced boulder, prepping my foragings – pounding acorns into flour; I wished my future was full of community, healthy rivers and streams, hunting stories, fires, women, babies, the nomadic way of life. I wished that my future was the same future all past humans had before civ came along. But there was no changing the past and the nomadic way of life that I dreamed of was nearly impossible to have, knowing that, I would then find myself wishing for category 5 strength hurricane-like storms, sinkholes, floods, strong earthquakes, better yet, an eruption of a super volcano. I basically wished for doom, the end of humankind. My sadness for what we have done made me angry and so I wished for total destruction. That was me in the not so distant past. I woke every day with the question, “has civ collapsed yet?”, the answer always the same, the depression grew stronger. I was becoming obsessed with the collapse…

That was the past…

Present me has had no time to think or dwell. I am a mother now, my main focus for the past, nearly 2 years, has been my daughters – growing them, birthing them, raising them. I still feel a very strong hatred for civilization, my hatred for it will never dissipate – the sooner it falls, the better. But like I said, I haven’t had much time to think…until recently, until this project, it has opened my mind back up, it has me thinking… I have been reevaluating what it is that I want for the future, I can still mourn, but wanting total destruction of the human race is no longer a want. My daughters have given me my heart back. They make me want human life to thrive after the collapse. They have made me change my view about humans. They have reminded me that we are animals, we have a place on this Earth just as all other animals do, just as plants do, just as fungi do, just as the clouds do… WE HAVE A PLACE HERE, but we have fallen out of balance, and sadly, we have brought Mother Nature down with us. I have always known that all things are connected – what happens in one part of the world, impacts the rest of the world, impacts the stars, the moon, the sun…

I feel my purpose in life now is to remind people of those connections, to help restore balance. The first thing I can do is change my way of thinking, is to teach my girls how to live the true way. It’s to guide them and to let them guide me…especially let them guide me, a child is truly human, the wildness in them is so pure…

And through the sadness and mourning, I remain optimistic, cause as ugly as the world has become, there is still a ton of beauty and in the end, the beauty will grab hold and will swallow the ugly beast and balance will be restored. I believe humans will continue on, but in balance, not only out of necessity, but out of want. It starts with us, and we pass it onto the future – our children, and it continues down the line. We must disconnect from this way of life and reconnect with reality. We must dig deep and remember what it’s like to be human, find our purpose, find our balance… We can’t change the past, but we can change the future. There is no reason to forgive or to forget the past, but we must move forward, and mourning is that first step to recovery.

So I mourn the past, I mourn today, I mourn tomorrow, I mourn the loss of orchids, I mourn the loss of cougars, I mourn the loss of the human-animal. And with the rest of those who mourn and fight, I mourn with them, I stand with them…their fight is my fight, cause we are all connected, we are all related.

In the past I have mourned a ton, presently I mourn, but from a much lighter place, for a less destructive tomorrow…

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One response to “The last rays of a dying sun

  1. Yank, thank you for that post. Beautiful.

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