The autism spectrum

Day 72

They say my beloved little nephew is somewhere on the autism spectrum. What does this mean?

He tells incredibly detailed stories about dragons, and squirrels, and snoopy. He runs and jumps and twirls as he narrates. He can sit and paint or draw for hours on end, a million masterpieces that we proudly tape to the walls.

He tells jokes and laughs loud, talks to his trains, and “reads” us books in his raspy baby voice, his interpretations of the pictures far more interesting than the words that are on the page.

He loves with such intensity that he clenches his jaw and bares his teeth, hugs us hard in a huge embrace.

He has trouble reading the emotions in a face, it is a language that is unfamiliar to him. This frustrates him and so sometimes he hits, other kids mostly, especially ones smaller than him, and non-verbal.

Revel has learned to watch his moods. He’s ready with a kiss for his cuzzie on the good days, or knows to steer clear if it’s not the right time.

And when they sit together and watch the birds out the window, and the squirrels, I can almost forget there’s anything wrong with the world.

photo by Andrea Herr

photo by Andrea Herr


And then I come back to the same question that keeps repeating and repeating in my mind, in my heart.

Why is he autistic? What is this strange affliction that turns ones’ own nervous system upside down, wires the brain in ways that makes everything more intense? The colors, the lights, the sounds.

And I know there are a million different theories, and studies, and ideas about what is really going on, but to me the answer is clear.

And here we come back to it again.

It’s the same thing causing the monarchs to disappear, the starfish to turn to sludge on the ocean floor, and the sweet bees to drop from the sky one by one.

It’s the toxic cocktail that is our civilization.

It’s the pesticides, and herbicides, and plastic junk, and PVC’s, and BPA.s, and synthetic hormones, and antibiotics, and perfumes, and Red #40, and nuclear radiation, and WI-FI, and pharmaceuticals, a hazy smog that hangs in our air, swims through our waters, and coats our food.

Our poor, soft, animal bodies are literally falling apart under the strain of so many toxins, overloaded, turned inside out, ravaged, wrecked.

It’s the same thing that causes infertility, and antibiotic resistant infections, and asthma, and diabetes, and AIDS, and heart disease, and stroke, and cancer.

Our civilization is killing us, one by one, little by little. It’s like kneeling on the chopping block, or looking down the barrel of the executioner’s gun.

We have created a world made out of poison.

And the only ones who can stop it is us.

We need to admit we have a problem, say it loud, and then join together and scream, “NO MORE CHEMICALS!”

Get rid of our plastic, our chemical cleaners, our factory farmed food, our cars.

Find ways to send the message to our neighbors spraying round-up, to the farmer down the lane, to the oil tycoons in their cushy offices and billion dollar yachts.

Find out where our food comes from, or better yet, grow our own.

Make very deliberate decisions about what we choose, do, and consume.

We need to be unafraid to make change,

to help one another,

and to be radical, rebellious.


The funny thing is my nephew’s autism is nothing but a gift,

a different way of seeing the world,

and I wouldn’t have him any other way.


But the knowledge that corporations and chemical companies,

would dare try to sell out my boy’s future for a buck,

makes my blood seethe and boil, makes me see the boldest red.

And that should make their blood run cold,

because now I want



The kind that comes from joining hand in human hand,

and turning our backs slowly and deliberately,

on the toxic junk they have to offer.


I am a lioness ready to fight,

muscles quivering, teeth bared,

razor sharp claws leaving pinpricks

on soft earth


large paws.


For the right time,

for the chance I know will surely come,


for them to make a mistake.

And when they do

I will


Thank you for listening,





5 responses to “The autism spectrum

  1. Pingback: The autism spectrum | Adventure Journal

  2. I am so with you in this fight, Natasha. I have been saying NO to chem. corps for years. I’ve had a modicum of success greening places where I have worked and now I no longer work in toxic environments. My home is green, my diet is organic and we do not even hang out with people who buy into the chem lifestyle. We’ve lost friends over our gentle education but at least seeds were scattered there. Even fallow seeds can take root and sprout one day. We never know how far the ripple effect flows and what good can grow. Keep faith, sister!

  3. What I didn’t say is that I was disabled by chemicals and mold and I now live with an insidious autoimmune disorder called Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (or Environmental Illness). I prefer to call it Chemical Intolerance! My body knows and I trust it! So, this fight is very close to home. ❤

  4. Natasha,
    I was steered to your blog by a friend and have thought about how dark the shadows are that affect you. Today I read about a family member possibly having autism. I can tell you that, as a mother of a nearly 10 year old son diagnosed with Asperger’s, I feel it has made me more protective than I ever thought I needed to be. This isn’t a burden, it’s a challenge. One that I am up for most of the time. It’s those other times that I pray for the help and the kindness of others. To me, that is the most stressful thing. But, I find the help or I do something different. I’ve taken him out of public school. We are all much better off now.

    I am glad to hear you feel it is a gift to be in the company of your nephew. It is that way for me, too.

    Thanks for sharing.


  5. I feel you… isolating single or simple linear causes is a form of denial that allows us not to admit that our entire way of life may be implicated in these problems. I take the view that many of the tribespeople that science tells us are remnants of the stone age, are actually escapees from previous civilisation experiments that imploded. In the end, the natural way of life is the only sustainable, healthy and sane one.

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