A darkness at the edge of my vision

-Day 86

There are things so disturbing my mind still refuses to look at them. Child slavery, rape, murder. Animal cruelty. The sex trade. Torture. War.

Horrible things, unspeakable things. A darkness at the edge of my vision, a cold quivering in the corner of my heart, in the marrow of my bones.

There is real pain, real suffering, all around us, all the time.

Monster maniacs who live only to exact misery on others.

Sick, broken, insane.

This stuff exists. It’s the sadness my own sense of self preservation won’t let me see.

It’s the frozen loneliness of a thousand winters,

ash blotting out the sun.

The closest my mind will let me go right now,

is to hold the hurt ones in my heart, my hands,

to gather them in my outstretched arms and say,

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. We have not done our jobs protecting you. Have not made the world safe for you, kind, beautiful.

Please forgive me. I have not done enough to end your suffering, to find those responsible, to give you the help I know you need, to keep you safe. I feel small, like I can’t help, like I don’t know what to do. But I’m trying to get big, to get brave.

Thank you. For your presence in the world. For your soft smile, and light step. For your pure heart. For your courage and resilience. For your wisdom.

I love you. You are amazing. You deserve better. I wish I could fix everything and take away your pain. I am looking for ways to fix this, to find you, to help you, to hold you.

This civilization is broken, shattered like glittering glass on dark asphalt.

Fragile, like ice,



It is not out of the question,

for us to turn our backs on this dark place,

and move to face the sun.

We hold the keys.

Imagine a million cars, stopped, left to rust and decay,

office buildings, computers still on, desks empty,

factories, motors running,

no one around.

The people,

poured out into the streets,

feet moving in ancient cadence,

following the ancient trails,

long forgotten.

When one suffers we all suffer.

There are whole pieces of me reserved for this dark pain,

and I want them back.

Stop the thing that is stopping us,

end civilization.

Walk away.

Thank you  for listening

Love, Natasha














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