Dear Revel

Day 137

photo by Michelle Johnsen

photo by Michelle Johnsen

You chose a strange time to be born,

flowing forth on waters clear and salty like the sea.

but then, so did I.

A time of change,

a period of instability.

There was a time when we thought we’d stay alone, childless.

The world’s so full, we said. And broken.

But yet, even as the words left my mouth, I carried the idea of you

tucked inside my heart, right near the place that you would one day grow.

And as the years went by,

I could feel you getting closer,

readying yourself.

But we were the ones who needed readying.

No one could prepare us for how perfect you’d be,

how tiny your hands, how soft your feet.

I was scared.

The night I went into labor,

I felt my belly tightening.

I timed it silently on the clock.

10 minutes. tighten. 10 minutes. tighten.

But still I wasn’t sure.

I woke up, took a bath, made a peanut butter sandwich,

and still, the rhythm, faster now,

7 minutes, tighten. 7 minutes, tighten.

We called the midwife.

She came, she left.

My water broke.

I vacuumed the floor.

And then the pain began.

Breathtaking in intensity,

solid, a thing all its’ own.

And then, everything a blur.

Contractions, very hard, and very fast.

Me, clinging to your Daddy,

wild, ravaged,

wailing.

And then you,

swept here on a tidal wave of pain,

and water, and love.

Delivered at home.

Much smaller than I expected,

with skinny arms and legs.

With you in my arms,

one of our midwives showed us your placenta,

described the way

you were fed, and sheltered, and held,

by the intricate branching pattern,

of capillaries and veins,

your tree of life.

You were brave,

to choose this time,

when so much needs fixing,

and the answers are not clear.

I trust you know what you’re doing,

that there is some reason for your sweet life

during this slow, and painful collapse.

When you were born the birds sang for you,

the trees whispered your name,

and the sun rose pink in the Eastern sky.

And we were made whole,

me, and your daddy,

and you.

You are so loved, our sweet Revel.

Thank you for choosing us.

It is my greatest honor,

to be your mom.

Love,

Mama

photo by Michelle Johnsen

photo by Michelle Johnsen

Advertisements

One response to “Dear Revel

  1. I hope someday you will share the path to choosing Revel’s name.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s