But also, there are appointments

Day 232

photo by Michelle Johnsen

photo by Michelle Johnsen

You may have noticed my posts are fewer now,

days skipped here and there

like pepper mixed with salt.

Mostly, for  need of sleep.

My days are long, and wild

spent romping with children outside through

forests and streams and in the backyard.

And harvesting mushrooms and plants,

morels, dryad’s saddle, oyster mushrooms,

nettle, dandelion, plantain, violets

to use fresh

and to dry for later.

And when Revie finally nurses to sleep at night I’m ready to lay head on pillow and rest.

But also,

there are appointments.

To radiologists, and oncologists, and chemotherapists, anesthesiologists, and surgeons.

All with quick, confident hands and kind eyes.

Pre-op classes, and ultrasounds, and MRI’s,  all in an attempt to pinpoint

the cells trying to overtake

my sweet mother.

Waiting is exhausting, and wears on the nerves, keeps you hanging in limbo.

Tomorrow we’ll know whether the cancer is small enough to remove by itself, or if the entire breast will need to be taken with it.

How could it be I wonder,

that the flesh and blood that once comforted and nourished my siblings and I with the sweetest milk,

has become a threat to the very body that carried us?

The cancer center is beautiful,

and the people very kind.

There’s a wig shop,

and a healing garden on the rooftop,

flowers and trees growing right up against the sky.

Plants to remind you what is possible,

wigs to show you what is real.

And us,  wandering,

somewhere in between.

Thank you for listening,

Love,

Natasha

photo by Michelle Johnsen

photo by Michelle Johnsen

 

 

 

 

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